Saturday, April 24, 2010

Part 7

When Pa retired he moved to the West Coast, I soon found out that we were going too. I was devestated as after all I had been through for the first time in my life for the previous 3 years I finally had a few friends I was really close to, one person in particular. I adored her & still do, we stay in touch & when I went back to the East Coast in 06 we caught up for the first time since I left. It was wonderful to be back there & see people I had not seen for 14 years then and had missed terribly.
Before we moved to the West Coast things had been pretty bad for me privately. We moved up to the mountains not long after the stepbrother had gone from the house. We had to move to find something cheaper as my stepdad was paying child support as well as paying for his ex wifes house so we moved into a trailer park up in the mountains. It took me a while to get used to living in a trailer again as it bought back memories of the other time I lived in a trailer. Once we had a proper annexe put on & I sorta had my own room I adjusted.
I was halfway through grade 3 then & it was hard going to yet another school as this was my 6th by then & it was hard fitting in because as it was a small town everyone had grown up together & I was seen as an outsider which I have always been I suppose. So I made a great target for the bullies. I was ostracized straight away first the bullying calling me names such as 'red headed rat rooter' I will never forget that nor the main person who used to sling that at me. No one would come near me at reccess at lunchtime or afternoon play so once again I took refuge in teachers, the library & schoolwork which at times made it worse as then I was a teachers pet & nerd but I couldn't help it as I needed to feel safe SOMEWHERE. I never felt at home at home & I used to dread school because of what the other children would do, also living in the trailer park the kids used to call me poor orphan Annie & white trash.
I once fractured my skull in the playground & I remember walking myself to the nurses office on my own with blood pouring out of my nose & not one person would help me. The one upside to this I remember is not only not being able to go to school, Mother was actually sort of nice to m & seemed to show some concern for my health which was a first believe me & I revelled in it. I thought Mother actually had started to love me, how wrong I turned out to be.
I just have to say that even though Mother was named after a saint she delighted in playing the martyr of what a horrible, badly behaved, ungrateful & simply impossible child she had in me. Fuck I can say the same things about her & her parental skills or lack thereof.
We had a live in caretaker in the trailer park & I was friends with them & their children. We didnt go to the same school as they went to a Catholic school but the eldest daughter was my first real friend. Her & I used to rollerskate together, play & go off exploring together, I was so upset when they bought their own block of land & built a house on it. One one hand I was happy for them as they were getting a REAL home but I was going to miss having my first friend around all the time, we still stayed friends after they moved but it wasnt the same & we ended up drifting apart.
As a result of them moving out we got another caretaker & that's when things went even more downhill. Although that wasn't the case when he first took over as he took an interest in me & befriended Mother. He gave her cash in hand cleaning work & sometimes paid me $40 to clean the toilet&shower blocks in the trailer park. That was fucking good money for two hours work for anyone in the mid 80's let alone a kid but I was told not to tell Mother he was giving me that much it was our secret & he didnt want to upset Mother by spoiling me. I did not know it at the time but the pedophilic grooming proccess had just begun.

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