Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Part 5

I didn't realize that Mother & my stepdad used amphetamines even though my stepfather was quite open about it with me as I used to go away alot with him in his truck. He used to say he was going to have some 'shakers' or he was going to have a clout. I just thought he meant Coca-Cola, that's how naive I was. He gave me my first taste of speed when I was almost 13 y/o. We were on a north-south run & it was about 1am when we pulled into a small town for something to eat& drink. When my stepdad got back in the truck he had this white powder on one of his fingers & licked half of it off & asked if I wanted the other half. I asked him what it was & he replied 'speed' being still basically a kid I asked him if it would kill me, he said no so I took it. Had the best night that night talking to him at a hundred miles a minute & bopping away to all the music I put on the trucks cassette system. Ironically later on when I developed my own drug habit I rarely touched street speed as I thought it cant be that bad if my stepdad gave me some all those years ago so I used pharmaceutical speed instead in the form of Duromine as I knew that speed was clean & I could get it from what I used to call my drug doctor, he was a GP & used to give me anythin I asked for as he liked all the working girls as he could get away with stuff he couldnt with a normal patient.
Yes by the time I had a serious drug habit I turned to prostitution to pay for it as I didnt want to rob people or commit fraud and at least then the only person I was hurting was myself. I'd been hooking on & off since I was 15 & was out of home. I loved being on ecstasy & all the other shit I used to take as at least then I felt happy & confident & could block out all the bad things that had happened & were happening. Drugs saved my life as at that point I had nothing to live for except getting up, getting high & feeling happy. I can say in all honesty that if I had not been taking drugs in that period of my life I would not be here as they were the only things stopping me from killing myself. I know thats not a popular statement but its true. For me then it was like 'do I get up today & take some ecstasy, lsd, speed,pot or do I kill myself?' Invariably the drugs won everytime! Thank Goddess or I would not be here now. Not many people can say in all honesty that drugs saved their lives but in my case it is absolutely true. Anything I could snort, swallow, inhale I did it. Only ever injected drugs 11 times in my life as I didn't like it & the times I did it was because it was already mixed up & I wanted the drugs. We never shared needles my friends had to do it for me as I couldnt inject myself & the needles were always brand new.
Fuck I have alot of good memories from those drug fucked days! We used to run amok!

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