Monday, April 19, 2010

Part 4

We moved around alot as a small child. By the time we settled up in the mountains I was starting at my 6th primary school, so as a result I never really made any friends. I was bullied mercilessly mainly because of my bright red hair which Mother always had cut so I looked like a boy. I hated going to school as I dreaded reccess & lunchtime so when I got out of class at those times I used to go into the library & read loads of books until it was time to go back to class. I loved all my teachers in the early days and I used to try my best as I craved the praise from the teachers telling me I was very smart & exceeded expectations. It was about the only time I received that sort of validation & praise. Of course being good at lessons made me more of a target for the bullies but even by that young age I was used to being picked on & being told I was nothing.
I have always gotten along with adults even as a small child. I remember in one place we lived in there was a nice lady I was friends with across the road from us & I was so desperate for praise from adults I used to go over to her house and vacuum it from top to bottom just so I could hear her tell me what a good job I had done & what a nice polite well mannered child I was, something I had never heard at home from Mothers lips. To this day I still love to vacuum.
It was in this house we lived in when the stepbrother came to live with us. I was 7 he was 16 then. He got sent to live with us as he had been getting into alot of trouble with the police & the courts & his mother couldnt handle him anymore as she was mentally ill. At first I was happy that the stepbrother was there as I used to think he was a really cool person, you are very impressionable as a child. I used to do anything to hang out with him, go out riding our bikes all day as my stepdad had gotten me a second hand bike that I loved & had for years, catching tadpoles & taking them home & raising them until they were miniture frogs then go back to the ponds in the park & release them.
As he was in high school he had some older friends & that was when things changed for me on one particular day. I was playing by myself in the backyard when the stepbrother came and told me he had something to show me at his friends house up the road. I was happy as I thought it might be a lizard or something as we used to catch them & keep them in tanks & feed them & look after them like pets but it turned out to be something completely different him & his friends had in mind. He took me into the house & said what he had to show me was in a room at the back of the house so I followed him. We got to the room & he knocked on the door when he door opened he pushed me inside shut the door & locked it. Inside were about 9 of his friends & they all had their pants down & were masturbating with one of them lying on the bed. Immediatly I started screaming, crying & trying to get out of the room but as the door was locked all I could do was pull on it & begging to be let out while all the boys said disgusting things & that they were going to have sex with me after they finished wanking & I'd licked up all the cum. I was so terrified & eventually the stepbrother unlocked the door & I ran out of the house crying.
Later when stepbrother came back to the house he apologised profusely saying they hadn't meant it that it was all a joke that he thought I would find funny & nothing like that would ever happen again. Stupidly after a while I believed it & sort of started to trust him again as I was so desperate for a friend & after all he had promised & we had to live in the same house. It didnt last to long though. Early one weekend morning when my stepdad was still on the road & Mother was still at work he called me into his room under the premise of looking at his lizards. He asked me to lie down on his bed next to him as he wanted to give me a hug as he said he now thought of me as his sister as he had been living with us for almost a year then & it had been a few months since the 'joke' incident had occurred so I did. Next thing I know he's on top of me putting his hands down my pajama pants trying to stick his finger in my vagina whilst at the same time trying to force my hands onto his erect penis as he had me pinned just by his weight alone as I was almost 8 then & he was almost 17. Again I started crying & screaming begging him to stop & leave me alone which after what seemed an eternity to me it stopped & I fled, got dressed as quickly as I could got on my bicycle & went riding through the huge park at the end of the road & stayed there all day until dusk when I knew I had to go home.
That park became my escape it was huge it had a bike trail that went from one end to the other that was 12 kilometres long. It had lots of ponds & marshy areas & I had a few favourite hidey spots I would sit in & just think & be by myself with nature it was the only timeI felt safe. Sometimes I would even take a book out there & something to drink & just find one of my hidey holes & stay there until dusk & I had to go home. I loved it there listening to the birds, smelling the flowers, feeling the breeze on my face, being alone & feeling safe.
I suppose the one good thing about Mother not caring about me at all is that I could do whatever I wanted & go where I wanted for however as long as I wanted as she either didn't care or was at work at the nursing homes where then she still mainly worked the night shift as I think she liked it as it was easier than days & plus the speed habit. But when she was at home & coming down from the speed I was always her target. Again saying she should send me away to the little girls home as she didnt want me as I was just a pain in her arse. Needless to say I said nothing to her about what the stepbrother had done & I certainly did not tell my stepdad as he was the only adult in my 'family' that seemed to love me & I didn't want to risk losing his love. It was the only love I had. I kept away from the stepbrother like the plague & rigged up a way so no one could get into my room. That went onfor a while & eventually he went back to his mother as he was still getting into trouble. Goddess I was so happy when I found out the stepbrother had gone. I felt a bit safer then.

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